


Seduction Technique

by fenellaevangela



Category: Fake News RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-21
Updated: 2008-09-21
Packaged: 2017-10-17 16:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenellaevangela/pseuds/fenellaevangela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Denis gets drunk, there's little he won't do to get into Jon's pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seduction Technique

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the prompt _RPF (actor), Jon Stewart/Denis Leary, "If I believed everything you said when you were drunk, I'd be Mrs. Denis Leary right now,"_ [here](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/porn_battle/9677.html?thread=1501133#t1501133) in the fifth round of the InsaneJournal [Porn Battle](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/porn_battle).
> 
> Also, these guys are pretty foul-mouthed and I feel obligated to mention that there are jokes/comments in this fic that I would not make outside of it. FYI.

"Aww, c'mon Jonny. It'll be fun!"

"You," said Jon, pointing a slightly-wavering finger, "are _wasted_. 'M not listening to you."

Denis, who was already sitting pretty close to him already, moved onto Jon's lap. "Pfft, you call this wasted? How long have you known me?" He took a clumsy swig of his beer, nearly knocking Jon in the ear. " _I_ am pleasantly drunk. Get all my best ideas like this. Now, c'mon, lose the clothes."

"'Pleasantly drunk' my hairy Jewish ass. Get off me!"

Jon shoved and Denis, defeated, slumped back onto the couch next to him. "You're a fuckin' spoilsport, Jon."

"Yeah? Well, you're a two-beer queer."

"Hey! Asshole. I've had _way more_ than two beers."

*

Denis rolled his head to the left, stretched his arm out, and wrapped it companionably around Jon's shoulder.

"Jon, you are one sexy motherfucker."

"Am I?" asked Jon, carefully shifting away from his friend. "Haven't fucked many mothers lately. How many of those beers have you had?"

"More 'n _you_ ," Denis insisted. He wiggled up closer to Jon and propped his chin on Jon's shoulder. "Maybe you should have a few more. Loosen up a bit."

"Oh no," Jon said. "No, no, no. I'm not letting you date rape me, Denis Leary."

Denis actually (sort of) pouted. "Why _not_?"

Jon smirked. "I promised God I'd be a virgin on my wedding day."

"Pfft," laughed Denis. "You're such a bullshitter." He placed a hand on Jon's thigh and started stroking lazily. Jon sighed and stood up.

"I'm gonna call a taxi. See you later, man."

*

"Jon?"

"These are our last beers, dude, don't even ask."

"No, no ... wait, what?" Denis looked down at his half-empty bottle. "Never mind. Jon, I wanna ask you something."

Jon looked at Denis sideways, suspicious. "I'm not having sex with you. Goddammit Denis, why do I even drink with you? Horny bastard."

"You are such a _prude_ , Jon. No." He awkwardly got off of the couch and knelt in front of Jon, who immediately pulled his knees together. Denis ignored the gesture and tried to grasp Jon's hand. "Will you marry me?"

There was a beat of complete silence before Jon burst out laughing.

"Are you _high_?" he asked, biting his lip to hold in further laughter. "Are you fucking high right now?"

Denis sighed and flopped back onto the couch.

"No, I'm trying to get into your Goddamn pants. I'll marry your ass if that's the only way to get to it."

"Seriously?"

"Abso-fuckin'-lutely."

There was a pause. Then: "You're on."

  
*

The next morning, Jon found himself severely hung over. And, as evidenced by the crappy homemade ring on his finger, engaged.

"Oh my God," he said, groaning loudly. "Did we really do what I think we did last night?"

"Well," answered Denis, appearing at his side with a hot cup of coffee, "I proposed to you and we celebrated with a night of hot, ass-thumping sex."

Jon stared at Denis, then at the coffee, then back at Denis. He grabbed the coffee cup and chugged until it was empty.

"I am _never_ listening to you when we're drunk, ever again. Here," he shoved the cup back towards Denis. "I need more coffee."

Denis laughed as he headed for the kitchen.

"Okay, I admit it," he said, returning quickly with the coffee pot in hand. "I don't _really_ want to marry you. You fail to meet my criteria."

"What, my tits are too small?"

"Among other things," Denis agreed. He poured them both a cup of coffee and they sat, savouring the caffeine.

After a moment Jon pulled the makeshift engagement ring from his finger and crushed it in his fist. "At least the sex was good."

Denis raised his coffee mug in a toast. "Amen, brother."


End file.
